Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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