I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
