omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
