I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
