that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
