It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
