I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
