Just cropdusted the office
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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