its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
