I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
