You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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