I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
