Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
