i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
