This is not my ceiling
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
