Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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