Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
where are you?
Hypothermia
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
