sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
