I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
