Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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