I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
