My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
