four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
