You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
