There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
