and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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