so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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