That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
