my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
