We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
