sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
