FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just cropdusted the office
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
