peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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