We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
