Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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