You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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