I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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