i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
