Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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