I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
