Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
