This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
