Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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