So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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