I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
