you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
