Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
