So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
