so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
