I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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