just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
