....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
