Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
