You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
