Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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