The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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