i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
